Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
