No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
