so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
