Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The ass gains better be worth it
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