After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
