i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
