I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She needs sedatives and a leash
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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