She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
