I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
