Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
