Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize