The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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