Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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