Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
