Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
pray to the hookup gods
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
