I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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