How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
