Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
