Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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