He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
