last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize