sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
