the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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