Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
