So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
