apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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