____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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