yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
