I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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