My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
