Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
