just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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