After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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