Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
