he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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