Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
