You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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