apparently the secret to your success is patron
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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