Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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