Pappa wants mamma naked
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
