first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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