Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
