Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
