and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
