woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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