I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
