i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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