When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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