I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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