See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
