An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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