Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON