Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.