Texts From Last Night

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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I don't usually arrange sex via text message

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  (216): I don't usually arrange sex via text message http://tfl.nu/akrs
  Replies (8) Good night (1234) Bad night (524)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

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  (318): Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity. http://tfl.nu/izk8
  Replies (66) Good night (574) Bad night (4736)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

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  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10540) Bad night (954)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.

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  (817): MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice. http://tfl.nu/3445
  Replies (10) Good night (822) Bad night (3228)
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  (607): View more from New York

  My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.

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  (607): My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons. http://tfl.nu/oech
  Replies (17) Good night (7688) Bad night (1069)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

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  (702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55
  Replies (11) Good night (4947) Bad night (1643)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious

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  (219): My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious http://tfl.nu/6jx4
  Replies (10) Good night (3769) Bad night (949)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (3137) Bad night (1059)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.

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  (602): She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal. http://tfl.nu/6tzy
  Replies (2) Good night (1167) Bad night (829)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me

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  (479): Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me http://tfl.nu/g33s
  Replies (5) Good night (1858) Bad night (644)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.

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  (219): The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up. http://tfl.nu/gycw
  Replies (4) Good night (1178) Bad night (852)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  "Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.

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  (775): "Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices. http://tfl.nu/nbbz
  Replies (4) Good night (519) Bad night (815)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me

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  (336): i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me http://tfl.nu/j08w
  Replies (5) Good night (596) Bad night (1142)
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  (951): View more from California

  It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.

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  (951): It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/jm52
  Replies (0) Good night (391) Bad night (187)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.

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  (678): He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober. http://tfl.nu/jf9n
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (133)

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