Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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  (703): Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out. http://tfl.nu/rmo5
  Replies (7) Good night (3402) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7522) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.

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  (315): Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library. http://tfl.nu/bcrx
  Replies (16) Good night (4492) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.

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  (479): I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head. http://tfl.nu/p8jq
  Replies (20) Good night (1449) Bad night (4420)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

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  (570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3
  Replies (8) Good night (4908) Bad night (1146)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".

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  (802): My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary". http://tfl.nu/h26g
  Replies (5) Good night (3074) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.

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  (405): You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's. http://tfl.nu/922r
  Replies (9) Good night (4220) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

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  (610): So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed http://tfl.nu/2fhq
  Replies (5) Good night (4170) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.

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  (603): I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST. http://tfl.nu/xkvr
  Replies (22) Good night (2007) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes

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  (609): The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes http://tfl.nu/oauk
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.

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  (215): No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there. http://tfl.nu/8rlf
  Replies (8) Good night (971) Bad night (2941)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...

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  (571): She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance... http://tfl.nu/5je2
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i found out she really is a mensa member

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party

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  (484): i found out she really is a mensa member (215): so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party http://tfl.nu/5lqf
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.

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  (570): Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM. http://tfl.nu/zh91
  Replies (0) Good night (514) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.

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  (727): After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since. http://tfl.nu/pkb8
  Replies (2) Good night (282) Bad night (754)

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