Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

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  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6589) Bad night (688)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up

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  (813): he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up http://tfl.nu/iuqn
  Replies (8) Good night (2764) Bad night (1037)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.

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  (864): We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game. http://tfl.nu/1oa9
  Replies (28) Good night (5339) Bad night (506)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  what's for breakfast?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Advil and throwup

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  (404): what's for breakfast? (678): Advil and throwup http://tfl.nu/nzn0
  Replies (19) Good night (1411) Bad night (5536)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.

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  (856): she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name. http://tfl.nu/fuep
  Replies (34) Good night (4446) Bad night (1561)
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  (516): View more from New York

  she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

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  (516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu
  Replies (34) Good night (1348) Bad night (8635)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.

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  (870): may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween. http://tfl.nu/5k16
  Replies (5) Good night (2976) Bad night (816)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it

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  (250): Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it http://tfl.nu/v02x
  Replies (11) Good night (737) Bad night (1910)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  don't cry, we can learn from her

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  (248): the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness (1-248): don't cry, we can learn from her http://tfl.nu/jqhb
  Replies (2) Good night (1644) Bad night (756)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

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  (509): walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her. http://tfl.nu/knz9
  Replies (9) Good night (5704) Bad night (639)
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  (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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  (909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h
  Replies (7) Good night (369) Bad night (1392)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We still on for coffee?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.

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  (443): We still on for coffee? (410): Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45. http://tfl.nu/m7ui
  Replies (5) Good night (581) Bad night (1173)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.

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  (779): He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud. http://tfl.nu/emwq
  Replies (3) Good night (868) Bad night (234)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.

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  (954): She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills. http://tfl.nu/ph08
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (323)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!

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  (662): I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good! http://tfl.nu/4rir
  Replies (0) Good night (175) Bad night (334)

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