oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!