I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
