i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
