He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
