Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the day after is always just damage control
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
