I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
