So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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