You surviving the open bar?
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North Korea, Best Korea!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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