it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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