I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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