well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my being single is dangerous.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
