a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's never too late to be topless.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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