I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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