I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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