she peed on how many people?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
