yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Come see our sink grown plant.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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