MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
