I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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