oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
